Last week I talked about the decision to raise kids Jewish. What if you decide to NOT raise your kids Jewish? How do you teach them about their Jewish heritage? Relate to Jewish relatives? Help them understand their interfaith, intercultural family?
Let me put this in non-religious terms – what if you are raising your child American with Italian heritage? Or Swedish heritage? Or Japanese heritage?
First, racial differences can make some parents feel that they can be MORE clear about messages to the kids, after all a child of Thai heritage will always look to some degree Asian, so the external world will support and affirm this dual heritage. Frankly, that brings it’s own unique challenges, but for now let’s move on to the child who does not wear their identity on their face. I’ll talk about that next week.
Let us suppose that your family is French. You might choose to teach your child some French, make traditional French foods, celebrate Bastille Day, read about the history of France, sing some French songs.
You can do the same thing with Jewish heritage. Teach your child about the country that the Jewish parent comes from. Judaism is expressed differently in different parts of the world. Read them books about the holidays. Point out Israel on the map. You could take them to a Jewish deli, get a Jewish cookbook and make some foods together. If your child has living Jewish relatives, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, get your relatives to help by telling stories about their own lives.
Explain to your child that mommy or daddy’s family is Jewish and tell them that they are being raised – Christian, or whatever you have chosen for them.
How do you share this?
When your child is young they will understand through DOING and through hearing STORIES.
Doing: Take them to holidays at relatives. Let them participate in holiday preparation at family events.
Stories: Read books about Jewish kids. Tell them stories about their grandparents and about Jews around the world.
How might this be different from raising kids Jewish with an understanding of a Christian parent? Christianity is the dominant religion in America. The entire culture is teaching us about Christianity. You need do nothing and your American child will know the basics about Christianity. But Judaism is a minority tradition and you will have to actively educate a child to know the basics.
A caveat. Be clear to your child that they have Jewish heritage and don’t know all there is to know about Judaism. I have seen adults feel hurt and embarrassed upon learning that although they were raised by a Jewish parent their knowledge gaps are significant. When they are with Jews their gaffs make them feel bad and they call me wondering what is it they are not understanding. They don’t want to ask their parents because they interpret their parents as not knowing either.
As your Christian child of Jewish heritage gets older their questions will become more sophisticated and you can add more nuance to describing their extended family and Judaism.
Be honest with them. Tell them, without rancor that they are Christian or Muslim or whatever you have chosen for them. Don’t make the message a subtle one of anger – even if you have issues with other family members.
Naturally this is a longer – in fact, a life long conversation – so do call or email me if you have questions and issues that you are trying to sort out or articulate to your children or family members.
Contra Costa Jewish Film Festival
If you live in the East Bay you should certainly treat yourself to at least one film at the Festival!
The Festival runs March 1 through March 7.
Take a look at the website:
http://www.eastbayjewishfilm.org/
EVENTS
Wishful Drinking (Berkeley)
Walking With God (San Rafael)
Community Sing Along (Berkeley)
Transformations: Memory and Identity in Modern Jewish Literature (Los Altos)
Interfaith Families at the Movies: Bad Faith (Pleasanton)
Welcoming Your Jewish Baby… Whether You’re Jewish or Not (Oakland)
Simchat Shabbat - Music & Israeli Dancing(Los Altos)
Museum Opening after early Shabbat Services (San Francisco)
Preschool Family Education -- Purim (Walnut Creek)
Women in Interfaith Relationships: Giving our Kids Roots & Wings (Walnut Creek)
Speaking at Cross Purposes: the Hidden Impasse in Jewish-Christian Dialogue (San Francisco)
Jewish Playgroup (Walnut Creek)
Dan Chan the Magic Man (San Francisco)
Passover: The Set Table (Oakland)
A Taste of Judaism: Are you Curious? (Around the Bay)
With Whom Is your Soul Bound? (San Francisco)
Community Second Night Seder (Livermore)
Wishful Drinking
Carrie Fisher is the life of the party on Berkeley Repertory Theatre's fortieth birthday with Wishful Drinking, an uproarious and sobering look at her Hollywood hangover directed by Tony Tacconne. Fisher tells a true and intoxicating story with the strong, wry wit that she poured into bestsellers like Postcards from the Edge. Born to celebrity parents - a Jew and a Christian - she was picked to play a princess in the original Star Wars when she was only nineteen years-old. Alas, aside from a demanding career and her role as a single mother, Carrie also spends her free time battling addiction, weathering the wild ride of manic depression and lounging around various mental institutions. It's an incredible tale. Don't miss this outrageous chance to get Carried away.
Dates: February 8-March 30
Place: Rode Theater, Berkeley Rep, 2025 Addison Street, Berkeley
To purchase tickets go to: www.berkeleyrep.org
Walking With God
Tracing the Idea of God from Biblical through Contemporary Thought
Join Rabbi Dorothy Richman to trace the idea of God through Jewish text, i.e. the Bible, Talmud, etc., up through contemporary theologians.
Dates: Wednesdays, February 27 – March 19
Time: 7:30 pm
Place: Rodef Sholom, 170 No. San Pedro Road, San Rafael
Info: (415) 479-3441
Community Sing Along
Be a part of a united community that sings together! English, Hebrew, Yiddish lyrics will be provided, the East Bay Jewish Folk Chorus and Achi Ben-Shalom will perform. Community Art Project with Artist Nancy Katz.
We’ll begin with a Havdalah to end the Shabbat, followed by a community art project. We’ll end with easy-to-follow Israeli folk dancing. Bring veggie snacks and desserts to share.
Date: Sat., March 1
Time: 8pm
Place: Seventh Heaven Yoga Center, 2820 Seventh Street, Berkeley (Near Ashby)
Your donation of $15 at the door supports the music and the art project.
Transformations: Memory and Identity in Modern Jewish Literature
with Dr. Joyce Moser and Rabbi Janet Marder
Join Dr. Joyce Moser, a professor at Stanford University since 1989 and also a popular Beth Am teacher, as she and Rabbi Marder engage with some extraordinary writers. Their works, written against the background of huge personal, cultural and political upheavals, have transformed and enlarged the nature of Jewish identity in the modern world. They have also given us some of the most vivid prose of the last hundred years. We will be drawing on a wide range of short stories and novellas written in English or translated from Yiddish, German or Hebrew.
Dates: Sundays, March 2, 9 and 16, May 4 and 11
Time: 9:00-11:00 am
Place: Beth Am, 26790 Arastradero Road, Los Altos Hills
Cost: $36 per person (includes bagels, cream cheese, juice and coffee)
To register for this Toledot Mini-Course go to
http://www.betham.org/download/JewishLit.pdf
Print out the form and mail it along with a check to:
Congregation Beth Am, 26790 Arastradero Road, Los Altos Hills
Attention: Jessica Rosenberg.
www.betham.org 650.493-4661
Interfaith Families at the Movies: Bad Faith“Bad Faith” is part of the Contra Costa Jewish Film Festival.
Clara and Ishmael are gorgeous, happy, in love and in Paris. How nice is that? Like many cosmopolitan Parisian couples, the fact that she is Jewish and he is Muslim barely crosses the mins fo these oh-so-secular lovebirds.. Until Clara announces that she’s pregnant. That’s when the troubles start.
Date: Monday, March 3
Time: 4:30pm
Place: CinArts, 2314 Monument Blvd., Pleasant Hill (in the Kohl’s Center)
for more information call Dawn at 925-843-1484.
Co-Sponsored by Building Jewish Bridges.
http://www.eastbayjewishfilm.org/
Welcoming Your Jewish Baby… Whether You’re Jewish or Not
A Group for Moms and babies 0-6 months
Meeting in the East Bay
Join us for a discussion!
Discussion topics include:
Support for Moms with new Babies
Jewish Resources for Mom, Baby and Family
Getting Your Groove Back & Adjusting to the New Normal
Considering Jewish Choices and Practices for your Home
Date: starts Tuesday, March 4 (5 sessions)
Time: 11:30am to 1pm (feel free to bring a snack)
Place: Meets in a private home in Oakland.
Cost: $36
Call Dawn at 510-839-2900 x347 for location more information or to sign up.
Please call soon as space limited
Simchat Shabbat - Music & Israeli Dancing
Celebrate a special musical Shabbat. We’ll nosh and dance the night away (Israeli style) led by Shirley Smith, dance teacher extraordinaire! Bring your comfy shoes and get ready to party. For all ages and levels of experience.
Date: Friday, Mar. 7
Time: 7:15 p.m.
Place: Beth Am, 26790 Arastradero Road, Los Altos Hills
Info: 650-493-4661
Museum Opening after early Shabbat Services
Brushstrokes of the Shtetl: Samuel Rothbort’s Memory Paintings
Samuel Rothbort (1882-1971), sculptor and painter, came to America in 1904 at the age of 22 and won acclaim as a painter of raw talent. In the late 1930s Rothbort began painting “Memory Paintings” based on his childhood experiences of life in the ghettos and surrounding woodlands of Polesie, in Byelorussia. A prize winning documentary, Memories of The Shtetl (The Ghetto Pillow,) produced by Harriet Semegram, used several hundred of Samuel Rothbort’s watercolors, which also became a major visual resource for Jerome Robbins’ film and play, Fiddler On The Roof. Another award-winning documentary, The Lost Wooden Synagogues of Eastern Europe, produced by Albert Barry and Florida Atlantic University and shown at the U.S. Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C. and on Public Television, used many of Rothbort’s paintings to illustrate life in pre-war Eastern Europe.
Please join us for the opening of this exhibit following the 5:30 pm service in the Main Sanctuary foyer.
Date: March 7
Time: Following 5:30pm services
Place: Emanu-el, 2 Lake St., San Francisco
info: 415-751-2535 or www.emanuelsf.org
Preschool Family Education -- Purim
Join us for a monthly education program for families with young children ages 2-5. All sessions are scheduled once a month on Shabbat from 10:30 am to 12:30 pm. The final 20 minutes is a Tot Shabbat service led by Rabbi Asher or Cantor Chabon.
Date: March 8
Time: 10:30 am
Place: Congregation B’nai Tikvah, 25 Hillcroft Way, Walnut Creek
Cost: $20 per family
For more information call 925-933-7633.
Women in Interfaith Relationships: Giving our Kids Roots & Wings
Raising kids is hard. You have to be a cook, chauffeur, therapist, private secretary, doctor, and chief bottle washer. And in there you’re supposed to give your kids “roots” and “wings.” Roots: a foundation from which to spring. Wings: confidence & self knowledge. Ours is the first generation to think that Moms can do that alone. Forget it! Come get and give support.
Date: March 9
Time: 9 to 11am
Place: B’nai Tikvah, 25 Hillcroft, Walnut Creek
Facilitated by Dawn Kepler, Building Jewish Bridges - Call me for more information at 925-943-1484 or email me at dawn@jfed.org
Speaking at Cross Purposes: the Hidden Impasse in Jewish-Christian Dialogue
The Koshland Lecture
An hour of learning with the newest faculty of the Hebrew Union College in Los Angeles. This month, presenting Joshua Holo, Ph.D. Associate Professor of Jewish History; Director, Louchheim School of Judaic Studies.
Date: March 9
Time: 10:30 am
Place: Emanu-el, 2 Lake St., San Francisco, in the Martin Meyer Reception Room.
Coffee, tea, bagels, and discussion.
Open to the community, no charge.
Info: 415-751-2535
Jewish Playgroup
Join Our Jewish Playgroup! A playgroup for families with children under 6. Circle time, Jewish holiday activities, and fun games. Schmooze while your children play. Everyone is welcome- bring your friends!
Free!
Dates: Sundays, March 9, April 13 May 18
Tine: 10:00–11:00 a.m.
Place: Contra Costa JCC, 2071 Tice Valley Blvd., Walnut Creek
For info or to RSVP: Tanya@jfed.org or 925-943-5238
Dan Chan the Magic Man
Come see Kat the Acrobat and their dog Johnny Ace Pawer in a high-energy variety show. Where? At the Be’chol Lashon Purim Festival! A day of fun - face painting, photo booth, create crowns & tiaras. Good food and games round out the festival.
Come celebrate the diversity of the Jewish people! Be’chol Lashon grows and and strengthens the Jewish people through ethnic, cultural and racial inclusiveness.
Date: Sunday, March 16
Time: 1 to 4:30pm
Place: African American Art & Culture Complex, 762 Fulton St. At Webster, San Francisco
Free and open to the public; free parking too!
Co-sponsored with every shul in the bay area as far as I know.
For more information go to the website: www.jewishresearch.org
Passover: The Set Table
The ultimate Jewish holiday: Passover! Whether you’ve never had a seder or you consider yourself a pro, you’ll learn something at this workshop.. We’ll literally have a set table - with all the elements identified and explained. We encourage you to bring ideas and practice from your own tradition and family. We’ll have sample foods and recipes as well as an assortment of Hagadot for you to peruse. Come for the fun; come for the food!
Date: Sunday, March 30
Time: 11am to 1pm
Place: Temple Sinai, 2808 Summit St., Oakland
FREE
Co-sponsored by Temple Sinai and Building Jewish Bridges
Call Dawn for more info at 510-839-2900 x347 or email dawn@jfed.org
A Taste of Judaism: Are you Curious?
What are the three pillars of Judaism? Jewish spirituality, Jewish ethics, and Jewish community. Come learn about them in a three session class.
Mondays evenings in Berkeley beginning March 31
Tuesday evenings in Walnut Creek beginning March 25
Free, but pre-registration is required. Call Dawn for information at:
510-839-2900 x347 x347 or 925-943-1484
Classes in San Francisco, San Jose and Napa. Call Project Welcome to inquire about West Bay classes - 415-392-7080 x16 and talk to Lisa.
With Whom Is your Soul Bound?
Creating Welcoming Community for Queer Interfaith Couples
Torah teaches us that our souls are inextricably connected to one another, yet so many people experience isolation, exclusion, and a deep longing to be truly welcomed and welcoming within our Jewish community. This is particularly true for LGBT Jews, and interfaith/multicultural couples and families.
Using the rich spiritual themes of Passover and the season of spring, we will engage in interactive discussion, text study and other practices. Together we will explore our personal spiritual and cultural paths, and how honoring the unique shared journeys in an interfaith relationship can connect us more deeply to each other and to this community.
Date: April 5
Time: 5:30 start time
6:00 dinner
7-8:30 program
8:30 Havdalah ritual
Place: Sha’ar Zahav, 290 Dolores St., San Francisco
Cost: $10/couple for Sha'ar Zahav members, $20/couple for non-members
call for more info at 415-861-6932
Facilitators: Karen L. Erlichman, MSS, LCSW, is the Bay area Director Jewish Mosaic: the National Center for Sexual and Gender Diversity.
Rabbi Elliot Rose Kukla is a Chaplain Resident at the University of California at San Francisco (UCSF) Medical Center and Langley Porter Psychiatric Institute. He has lectured and led workshops on gender and sexual diversity in Judaism throughout the U.S.
Community Second Night Seder
The Tri-Valley Cultural Jews' Passover seder celebrates the heroism and courage of the human participants in the original freedom struggle of the Jewish people and in all struggles for freedom throughout the world. All of the traditional symbols are there, but their meaning is interpreted in a non-religious manner. The children ask the four questions, the four cups of wine are drunk, and a festive meal is held - all without mention of any supernatural forces affecting human lives or human history.
Date: Sunday, April 20
Time: 5 pm
Place: Bothwell Center, 2466 Eighth St. in Livermore
The seder is a potluck and reservations are required. A donation of $10/adult (over 13) is requested. For reservations and food assignment, call (925) 485-1049.
