Last month I talked about raising kids in an interfaith family - will we raise them Jewish or some other religion?
One of the concerns that can arise for parents is: How will if feel raising kids Jewish if they don’t “look” Jewish? The first question is - To whom do they not look Jewish? To you? To your community? To the rabbis? Chances are what you mean is they don’t look traditionally Eastern European to most American Jews.
Some people think a blonde, blue eyed child won’t look Jewish. But you will find many blonde Jews from Poland, Germany, England. Being blonde is unlikely to warrant notice. My own daughter is blonde and blue-eyed and it has never brought a mention at all. One of my son’s best friends is an Israeli boy with a wild head of blonde curls. His mother attributes it to her Sephardic roots – (Sephardic Jews are from Spain) so all you of Spanish heritage can explain that one.
More common concerns are that racially diverse kids won’t be accepted by the general Jewish community. Asian or African heritage is seen as “not” Jewish looking. You are correct, many traditionalists will think your multiracial child doesn’t look Jewish if she is Black, Asian, or Hispanic. AND at the very same time there are thousands of born Jews that are Black, Asian and Hispanic. Here in the bay area there are a lot more of them. In an urban, metropolitan community diversity is just a bigger reality.
On one hand, explaining your child’s racial heritage can be easier than explaining a different religious tradition. There are clear cut elements that are fun and non-threatening to the mainstream Jewish community – food, music, language, art, history. On the other hand you know that your child may be faced with questions that are not always pleasant to hear. You will need to arm your child with a strong knowledge of their identity and a community that affirms that identity. Let your child know that they are unequivocally Jewish. Feel free to ward off ignorant adults.
Don’t let the prejudices of others determine your life. Would you let someone who disliked you pick your home? Your job? No. Surround yourself with people who share your values, your joy in the diversity of life and the beauty of the human spirit.
Call me if you want support or resources.
Check out Bechol Lashon (In Every Voice), a local group that supports and celebrates Jewish racial diversity. They will hold a fabulous Purim Celebration on Sunday in San Francisco. I’ve listed it below and you can look at their website. Many of us (yes, me too) have racially diverse families. You’d be surprised how many people aren’t really giving your diversity a second thought.
www.jewishresearch.org
Here’s a new program for interfaith and unaffiliated families. Take a look and call Vivien (contact info below) if you want additional information.
Parenting Matters: Jewish Wisdom for Mindful Parenting
Parenting Matters is a new parenting discussion group for interfaith and unaffiliated Jewish parents raising young children (five years of age and younger). This interactive 8-week learning program will explore basic Jewish principles and apply them to our modern parenting concerns. All levels of learners are welcome.
Our discussions will lead us on a path of discovery on topics such as:
Creating sacred moments with your children
The quest for personal and family spirituality
Ethics within the family and between people
The pursuit of personal meaning
Our parent groups will also deepen their connections with one another with an informal Shabbat dinner and a family potluck at the culmination of the sessions.
Our discussion groups will be in two sites:
San Rafael (Evening Group): Osher Marin Jewish Community Center, Begins April 1st
Berkeley (Morning Group): Congregation Netivot Shalom, Begins April 7th
Our instructor, Rabbi Menchem Creditor, is an educator, musician, and activist, and serves as rabbi of Congregation Netivot Shalom in Berkeley. He is the author of The Tisch, an email commentary on Torah and Spirituality, and the founder of Shefa: The Jewish Activists' Network.
For more information, please contact Vivien Braly at vivienb@sfjcf.org or call (415) 499-1223, ext. 8106.
